Challenging the Ninth - Holding back the lies

A couple weeks ago I was asked what I thought of a neighbor’s two-month old baby. My friend asked me if the baby was adorable. I honestly couldn’t say “Yes”. I had to think about my answer for a moment. Like most of us, I’ve been told my whole life that all babies are adorable. Well, let’s be honest. They aren’t. In fact, some are downright scary, with their red blotchy skin, screaming little mouths and toothless grins. (Yes, I do realize I may also look that way in another 50 years.) So, let me tell you the truth, that baby looked like a miniature tomcat, shaved bald. I was expecting it to point its finger up and whisper a hoarse sounding “Precioussssss” like Gollum from The Hobbit. But I couldn’t tell anyone that. What I did say was the truth; that the baby was a blessing to the family and a gift from God. Period. I gave my opinion but I didn’t have to express every thought that came into my head. I didn’t have to be harsh but I didn’t have to lie. I chose not express all my thoughts (though I did take them to the Lord) rather than lie about it. It took restraint, because honestly, I like to make people laugh. I try not to create giggles at anyone else’s expense. However, in my quest for smile-making or side-splitting verbiage, sometimes the truth that comes out of my mouth is a bit bolder than it should be.

So, as you can tell, I’ve had a challenge with the Ninth Commandment. I tend to take it to the extreme with the truth-sharing because I know that lying is easy and can become a huge stumbling block in our walk with God. We all have challenges with the Ninth, don’t we? (This is the one in the Bible that talks about not lying, by the way.)
Another challenge with the Ninth came up recently when I realized that a prescription I’d had filled was low. I’d only had it for 14 days yet there was only 1 dose left. I’d been so busy when I got it filled that I didn’t pay attention that I wasn’t given the full prescription. It was a big deal, although it was merely an inexpensive, non-narcotic pill that helps me keep my potassium up. I thought for sure the Pharmacist wouldn’t believe that I didn’t receive the whole prescription since I’d had it filled just 2 weeks prior and hadn’t said anything about a shortage. I was afraid if I called them with the truth of the matter, they wouldn’t fix the problem. I considered lying, telling them I’d dropped the pills or misplaced them. I thought those explanations seemed more plausible than the truth. I also didn’t want the hassle or embarrassment of stating that I hadn’t paid close enough attention. I didn’t want them thinking I was trying to get medication for free either. So, I thought I’d just lie. But conviction kept coming at me.

Every time I picked up the phone to call the pharmacy to tell them some made-up story, I hung up. I didn’t want to lie but yet I wanted to. I prayed, “Lord, I want to lie. I’m admitting it. I just want to lie and make my day easier. Please help me to tell the truth. You know I need this medication. Please work this out.” I didn’t hang up the next time I called. When the tech answered, I explained what happened. She asked me to hold on. The Pharmacist came on the phone and asked me to bring the bottle in to her. I did as she asked and after five minutes she came back with it filled, stating that they had a new computerized dispenser and sure enough, it hadn’t dispensed the proper amount in the first place. It had given me exactly half my prescription and she was able to tell this by doing a quick audit of their new system. It wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought it would be and the Pharmacist thanked me. Up to that point, the only issue they’d seen was it dispensing too much medication. Now they knew they had other things to fix. Wow, I was obedient and God was faithful! He made it easier than I thought it could ever be. Our human brain tends to think the easier thing is to stand for a lie because it often seems to be the effortless way out. Lying can indeed be effortless in the moment but the consequences can be enormous.
You may say to yourself that you don’t lie, but have you ever told someone you thought they looked wonderful even though in your heart you just didn’t think so? Perhaps you felt sorry for that person and you wanted to spare their feelings. Perhaps you ran into an old friend who just seemed down, ragged, having a really bad day. What’s the first thing that came out of your mouth? After “Hello”, it likely was some sort of fib. Those little fibs come naturally to us. Our culture encourages it. Even our Christian culture encourages it. Hmmm, thinking you don’t fall into the ‘fibber’ category? When was the last time someone asked you how you were doing and you said, “Great”? When in all reality you were feeling horribly stressed, your house was in shambles and you’d just had a fight with your spouse?

Telling a lie. What a simple thing in the grand plan of life. ‘Little white lies’ as many people call them are actually small dark seeds we plant in the middle of our path to the future God has for us. You may not see the weeds now but those seeds will grow and the weeds will get in your way. Lies can easily cross our lips and fly right out the mouth if we don’t practice holding them back. Though we find ourselves bombarded with temptation to lie every single day, God wouldn’t ask us not to, unless it was possible to refrain from it.

It can be difficult not to lie, especially when you’re concerned about being a burden or afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. Like you, I don’t want to tell someone, “I had an awful day and I’m just not doing well.” Or “Wow, you have baby spit-up on your shirt and really need to shower.” But the reality is, sometimes we need others to know what we’re going thru because we need prayer or support, even if we don’t share all the itty bitty details. We can share truths gently, in a Christ-like way. We don’t have to lie. Perhaps that old friend you ran into needs someone to tell her she has baby spit-up on her shirt. What if she was on her way to an important job interview looking that way and no one told her? You can be honest and say things with care and love. A lie should not be your automatic response in any situation. It takes practice being honest in ALL things but God never asks us to do something He doesn’t intend on helping us with. All we have to do is ask Him for that help.

And yes, I have learned that I don’t have to tell someone their baby looks “Preciousss” with a Gollum-style hiss in my voice. But I can tell them their baby IS precious because he or she truly is.

For more info about Karen and how to book her for your next retreat or conference, go to www.womaninspired.com
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And for some Biblical back up, check out these verses on lying and what the Bible has to say about it.
Leviticus 19:11 You shall not steal, neither deal falsely, neither lie one to another.

Psalms 119:163 I hate and abhor lying: but your law do I love.

Proverbs 12:22 Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight.

Proverbs 13:5 A righteous man hates lying: but a wicked man is loathsome, and comes to shame.

Proverbs 14:5 A faithful witness will not lie: but a false witness will utter lies.

Proverbs 17:7 Excellent speech becomes not a fool: much less do lying lips a prince.

For a list of other awesome Christian blogs, go to: Christian Poets and Writers Blog

Letting go of the past

How many times have you been told, while you’re venting about your feelings, to “Just let it go. Move on.”? Honestly, I get a bit irked when I’m trying to share my feelings and I get cut off with a nonchalant statement meant to shut me down. There is nothing wrong with letting your feelings out. There is nothing wrong with sharing with others what has happened in your past. Sharing your experiences can help bring others through their difficult times. When we’re brought through a situation and God has given us strength or knowledge through it, or even hindsight long afterwards, it’s our duty to help encourage others in similar situations. By letting others know we came through a similarly difficult time, we not only help them but we hopefully will glorify God in the middle of it. 2 Corinthians 12:9 states, “And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” When we’ve been made stronger through a problem or have allowed Christ’s strength to get us through, we should boast all the more! However, boasting of Christ’s strength; sharing how He got us through the tough times, is not the same thing as holding on to the past and lamenting about it over and over again.

One thing most of us are far too good at is retaining past pains and pressing them into our today, instead of using them briefly to help others and then setting them back in a memory file of the past where they belong. We have this natural instinct in our brains to bring up all the old scenarios of what we did wrong or how wronged we were by others. Understanding what went wrong at various times in our lives is essential to learning. But we shouldn’t live in the pity and persecution of the past either. There is a balance to be had.

I’ve met women who wear their past mistreatments and painful relationships as a badge or as a banner waving above their heads that lists a line of adjectives describing who they think they are because of what they’ve been through. Let me state for the record, WHO you are is not WHAT you’ve been through. WHO you are solely depends on WHOSE you are. No matter what you’ve been through or who has done what to you, there comes a time when you must choose what you want to be. What you are depends on who you are. When you figure out that you belong to Jesus…then you are His. WHOSE you are will then begin to slowly define who you are and what you do day in and day out. It will mold your choices, your actions and reactions; your words, how you spend your time, how you view family and how you view your future. It can also help you see your past for what it truly was and also help you create a determination deep within to not allow your past to live in the middle of your today!

If you had that banner above your head, what would yours say? “Cheated on? Abused? Neglected? Fired? Manipulated? Beat up? Bruised? Broken? Taken for granted? Ashamed? Adulterer?” I’m sure each of us could recite a litany of adjectives or verbs describing the many ways pain and anger have set up in our lives, creating labels in our heads. The key is letting go of those labels from the past and replacing them with who you are today. If you are His, then perhaps you can get out a permanent marker, scratch over those labels you’ve given yourself and write “Forgiven. Unashamed. Knowledgeable. Authentic. Willing. Reconciled. Open. Molded. Healing. Honest.” With these kind of unjaded, Christ-inspired labels and a new mindset, letting go of the past will be easier. And as you let go of the strong hold the past has on you, you will be able to share about your past on occasion. You will be able to sit in a group of women or one on one with someone else who needs to hear about your shame, your pain and your brokenness…and not just share the difficulties but share how God forgave you, renewed you and made you His…boasting all the more for what He has done for you since.

Karen A. McCracken
www.womaninspired.com

Breaking Free From OCD

I would say that in today’s culture most everyone has heard of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. If you haven’t seen it portrayed in all it’s infinite, seemingly ‘crazy’ glory via the hit TV show Monk, you’re sure to have seen it played out on reality TV in recent years. MTV, Vh1, TLC, Discovery Channel have each found an audience over the years by spying into the private lives of men and women plagued by Ocd.

In case you’re not sure or in case you have a TV Sunday Night movie idea of just what Ocd is, let me just state that Ocd is far more than a need for cleanliness and symmetry in one’s daily life. It has, over the years, morphed from being considered some sort of insanity, to a neurosis, to a chemical imbalance, to an anxiety disorder. No matter what science prefers to label it today, it is a very real source of emotional and mental torture for more than 2% of the population. While parallel fights ensue in the world of psychology and biology over just what causes Ocd, there is no question that the millions of people who suffer from it seek relief over and over again. For some, that relief is found via medications, changes in diet and counseling. For others, there seems to be no relief at all. For me, it was my faith in God and the plan He gave me that set healing in motion for this once Ocd entrapped person.

Over 14 years ago I found relief for my Ocd, without drugs. In fact, taking a medication never occurred to me. I’m not against pharmaceutical help if needed. But for me, faith was the solution. In some ways I suffered the form of Ocd called ‘scrupulosity’. I was afraid every little thing I did was going to be seen as wrong in God’s eyes, that He was judging me harshly. I was afraid not to seek God for fear I would be rejected. But it wasn’t a healthy kind of ‘fear of the Lord’; it was a deep alarming fear of God, of people, places, death, circumstances…almost everything. Some people are so plagued by religious fear due to their Ocd that they never get past the religiousness to discover God and freedom through Him.

Ocd manifested in many other ways in my life besides what I now know was merely religion. (What I have now is faith and belief, not religion.) My memories of suffering with Ocd stretch back to the age of 8. With each passing year my compulsive behaviors became worse. By the time I was 30 I was nearly fully home-bound, unable to keep a regular job and afraid of everything.

Fear – that’s the driving force behind Ocd. A real, succinct, deep-seeded fear of…well, anything and everything imaginable. Sometimes the fears are rational and sometimes they aren’t. But the need to control something, anything, compels the Ocder to take action…any action, in order to feel better. Hence the counting, repeating, checking, touching, cleaning, hoarding….counting, repeating, checking…

Over time I have realized that if you have a lack of faith then fear will quickly invade your mind; your waking and sleeping thoughts. I also discovered that faith is not the opposite of fear but faith IS the ability to see beyond the fear into the eyes of truth. If fear is darkness then faith is turning the lights on! The opposite of fear is courage. Being courageous is stepping out, moving forward and living even though you feel fear. All you have to do is turn on those lights. Once you can see the lies fear creates in your mind for what they really are, then the brain of the person with Ocd can begin to dispel the many lies that make them feel compelled to obsessive, repetitive, nonsensical actions.

I am a seasoned, experienced, non-suffering Ocder. I wrote a book to help others out and to share the amazing path God took me down in order to manage and heal from the inside out from fear and Ocd! The brain of someone with Ocd is compelling, intelligent and sharp. I learned to use my Ocd to control my Ocd! And that means you can too. God lifted my fear and helped me move beyond the Ocd behaviors that plagued me.

My quest is to help others see that Ocd IS something you can live with, control, eradicate, deal with, move beyond and you CAN keep it from stealing your joy. Through faith, even if your faith is currently enveloped in Ocd, you can find healing.

To read more of my story and how God helped me break free from Ocd, check out my book "Breaking Free From OCD".
Softcover version: Breaking Free From OCD
iTunes iBook: Breaking Free From OCD
Amazon Kindle: Breaking Free From OCD

For more information about Karen and how to schedule her to speak at your conference or retreat, go to www.womaninspired.com

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People DO change

I recently saw an old friend of mine when I went back to Nashville, Tennessee. I lived there for nearly six years and loved it but God eventually moved me on to Kentucky. Many people often say they have roots in a particular area, state, country...I do not. My roots ground me to the Lord and to my family. I have moved 37 times thus far in my life and have few places I can say seem like home to me. Home here on earth to me is where ever my family is and where ever it is that God plants me for the time being. While being back in Nashville for a few days was not like 'going home', it was still comfortable and familiar...something that put a smile on my face. I love to drive around and see what's changed and what's still the same. My friend is a mix of both. She and I both looked very similar to what we did years ago...younger even...? Okay, no! But yet we had both changed in some fairly dramatic ways.

One thing that struck me square in the face as I sat and enjoyed her company was just how much she had changed emotionally and spiritually. Her life was vastly different than it had been when I lived there. She said the same thing about me. Not only were our choices, our priorities and our work different, but we were both in different places emotionally and spiritually than we had been years ago when we knew each other well. The amazing thing to both of us was that we discovered that the two of us had so very much in common! Now, trust me when I say that years ago we were two very different people...different from each other with very little in common. We cared about each other and enjoyed each other's friendship but I always knew that our interests and viewpoints rarely matched up with one another. But now, ten years after having lived in Nashville, we realized that we could be sympathetic towards one another in a way that only someone who has walked in similar shoes, on a similar path, is able to do.

Something many of us do not think about is the fact that people do change. We remember someone as they were without taking into account the fact that life happens. Pain happens. Love happens. Loss happens. Mistakes are made and healing can occur. All of these things mold and shape who we are. And if we follow our Heavenly Father to, He will be the one who molds and shapes, loves and forgives, pushes and guides. When this happens, changes are made from the inside out. These are the very kinds of changes I saw in my dear friend, as well as the kinds of changes I know have happened within myself over the past ten years.

Too many times I hear people say "People never change." I hear talk show hosts, radio jockeys, armchair psychiatrists and well-meaning people go on and on about how people never change. Can I just say an emphatic - bull. People DO change. We have no choice but to change. Those who profess differently live with blinders on. As life happens, our brains, our emotions, our spirits react. How we then respond to these things in life and whether or not we choose to allow our changes to be made in the Lord or outside of Him determines whether or not the changes will be eternal, quality, beautiful and pleasing unto Him - but changes still happen nonetheless. We don't give others enough credit for having the ability to change but most of us would admit that we are quite different creatures ourselves than we were just two years ago or five years ago. And again, we still give little credit to those around us for having the ability to change as well. I believe and have seen whole-heartedly for myself that one reason relationships fail are not because people 'never change' but rather because people DO change and they do grow. Usually one person progresses and moves forward while the other stands still. Or one moves slower and in a different direction than the other. Standing still in itself is also a change, is it not? If you were once a moving being, acting, growing forward with your mate or your friend and then you halt or stand still, is that not also a change? Change happens...we must open our eyes to it in others and in ourselves.

Having seen my friend made me realize that I sometimes wear an old set of glasses; glasses that only let me see things from the past and from the world. I wonder how often I have seen one of my brothers or sisters in Christ and thought "Oh, they're the same as usual... They'll never change." I have thought this before and steered clear of certain people because I cared not to get involved in their lives because of who they were, how they acted in the past. But I didn’t ask myself if perhaps they had changed. Am I not greatly at fault and flat out ignoring another child of God if I don't at times go check the waters to see if they are still murky or perhaps they have calmed down? Should I check to see if a brother or sister in Christ is covered in moss from standing still? Sometimes, remember, we are called to stand still, to be still. Perhaps at those still moments healing is taking place and when that other person then starts to grow and move forward, he or she will begin to be a new creation in Christ, just as I became. Just as my friend became - with new priorities, a new outlook, renewed love for God and a new sense of self-worth from having our identities in Him rather than in the world.

I pray as you go out today that you look at others through the eyes of Christ and not through glasses that see only the world's point of view. I pray that you can step back and look at others as Christ looks at you - as a being who is poised to change and able to do so - then be ready to be an encourager for those who are changing and for those who have changed.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17

~ Karen
www.womaninspired.com
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My Heart's Desire

Sometimes in life we act like little children. God calls us to be child-like in our faith: open, easy to trust Him, ready to believe in Him. But He does not call us to be childish. Childishness is based in immaturity and acting as a child would. Child-like infers possessing the endearing qualities that children hold, rather than the childish qualities that life and growth beckon us to leave behind as we get older. When we Christians maintain a childish attitude then we face life expecting everything to be handed to us and when we don't get what we want we throw a fit, pout or sit down to wallow in our own self-made bed of pity.

There are times in life that, no matter our growth in the Lord, we retreat back to a childish place; most especially if He is calling us to wait on Him for something. Oh, we often do not like to be patient and wait on God's timing for things. There are times I have thought for sure He was giving me a message and guidance in a particular direction but then when I walked the way He told me to, the outcome was different than I thought it would be or the very thing I thought for sure He was going to bless me with was not there waiting for me when I thought my task was accomplished. Don't get me wrong, I don't walk a path He sends me down just to receive a particular blessing but I do know that as I am more obedient in Him, blessings will reign. I know that the closer I am to my Lord, the more clearly His word will be to me. Psalms 37: 4 says: Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. I believe this and live with this truth written upon my heart but what has inevitably happened to me at times in the past is that I did not hold out with faith and patience. I waited for His guidance but then did not stay the course long enough to find out the fullness of His plan or for Him to give me the true desire of my heart.

Wouldn't it be an empty, loveless world if He never completed what He started? But He does. He proved this by the coming of the Messiah His son and by His death on the cross for our sins. He will come again to judge the living and the dead, also as He said He would. It should be our goal to be more Christ-like and yet too many times God calls us to something and we humans never complete the task or we don't hold on with patience and faith as He calls us to do. Like Paul, we must run the race and not give up…we are not to falter nor to waiver in our steadfastness but hold on for that which He has called us.

I recently likened my own faults in this area to that of a child on Christmas morning: the child who hints and begs for a particular gift for months ahead of time. At times we are all like the child who drops hints so strongly that it turns into cute notes left here and there for months, joking about a special gift and even circling pictures in the Sunday ads of that very thing she so much longs to have. Then, when the beautiful day comes, morning being filled with all kinds of excitement, this child rushes to the gifts and searches under the tree. After unwrapping every gift she has, she sits dismayed, slumped over…the boxes, bags and goodies that came were all so wonderful but the one thing she wanted the most was not there. The very gift that she almost begged for and even did extra chores throughout the year hoping to somehow earn was just not under the tree. On knees, head bowed, tears slowly spilling on to her cheeks, she gives up. But the child, in her childish ways, did not look up to see her father coming out of the closet…where he had been all night long putting together the shiny, new pink bike – the very gift she had longed for and prayed for all along.

We are often childish like the child at Christmas time. We want what we want and even if we hold out faith for it we often expect it at a certain time because we think it's the right time for it…and when we don't get it then we give up. We forget that God's timing is not ours OR worse yet, we don't care if God's timing is not ours. We still want what we want when we want it. Tears come easily after a long race or a long and bumpy path but even amongst the tears, He can still be waiting just around the corner with that beautiful thing our heart desires so very much. So, do not give up. Do not quit. We must press on just as Paul did. We must keep running the race. Again, we are called to be child-like in our faith and devotion to our God but not to be childish and immature in our approach to our God and His plan for this life.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things… Phil 3: 12-15

~ Karen
www.womaninspired.com